Remember when The Onion "reported" that Kim Jong Un was the Sexiest Man Alive of 2012, and People's Daily Online in China thought it was a real story? Well, something similar has happened only this time it involves dogs, the hub's homeland, and New York magazine.
A Canadian radio show called "This is That" (sort of a Daily Show-type fake news program for radio) aired a bit that was supposed to be an interview with a faux Montreal City Councilor, Benoit LaDouce, who said the "smoked meat city" needs a law requiring dogs using public parks to understand commands in both French and English. (The hubs has long contended that all dogs speak French, so this shouldn't be a problem.)
"Oh yeah... and I even know some sign language! Mon dieu."
Last night the hubs asked me what I thought Rita would do if she had opposable thumbs.** I said we'd probably need to put a lock on both the fridge and pantry doors.
What If My Dog Had Opposable Thumbs?
I decided to Google "what if dogs had opposable thumbs" just to see what would come up, and it turns out there's actually a "What if cats and dogs had opposable thumbs?" Day. It's March 3rd. Unfortunately we forgot to celebrate it this year. It's in its 22nd year! According to the man who started the "holiday," people "aren't supposed to actually do anything on March 3." (Which is good, since I forgot to send out cards and get gifts!) "It's all about contemplation of canine and feline evolution." Since we missed the official "celebration," we'll contemplate it now.
Here are the top 3 things I think Rita would do if she had opposable thumbs:
1. Open the fridge and help herself to the contents of the cheese drawer.
2. Go online and order all the treats she can stuff herself with. (And she'd be able to open the front door when they were delivered.)
"If you loved me, you'd give me your credit card number."
3. Take the car and head down to the beach whenever she felt like it.
Okay, I wanted to put a picture here of Rita in the driver's seat of my car, but she ALWAYS sits in the back, and no amount of treats could convince her to keep her fuzzy butt in the front. She kept leaping into the back. And nobody wants a backseat driver. (She's so funny. We had to fight with Bailey and Abby to keep them OUT of the front!)
What If a Cat Had Opposable Thumbs?
If a cat had opposable thumbs, he'd probably just lie there and do the Roman Emperor "thumbs up/thumbs down" thing whenever you displeased him. "Why did you bring me so few cat treats? Thumbs down!"
And now... here is Jimmy, a cat who can actually do that:
As you can see, no, Jimmy does not want to do it again. And I love how he gives her the "thumbs down" when she says it's time to get up.
What would your pet do if he/she had thumbs?
** There's a little back story here... One day loooong ago, Mike and I were talking and I said it was a good thing the dog (our beagle, Bailey, at the time) didn't have opposable thumbs. The next day, I heard him talking to Bailey, and he said something to her about not having "disposable thumbs." Yeah, he gets a lotta teasing about that. (In his defense, English is not his first language - although you'd never know it to talk to him since he has no accent - but he still gets a lotta teasing about that.)
Today, it's time for a pup pop quiz on Pooch Smooches.
I want you to tell me what this is:
You don't even need any help with this do you? You don't need a hint (like "it rhymes with merit") or multiple choice options to narrow it down (like: "a. Seal pup, b. Ferret, c. Toy Poodle, d. Rodent of Unusual Size".)
Remember when I wanted a penguin (that I could get a penguin backpack for and take along to the store)? I said it was one of my all-time favorite videos and that I had one other that I was saving for another time. So, here it is - my other favorite animal video: Jessica the Hippo.
Have you ever seen this? It's about a baby hippo in South Africa that washes up during a flood at this former game ranger's house and how she comes to be a member of the family. The video is short and adorable and talks about how she's lived with him and his wife for 7 years.
1) I once noticed that my friend's angel dog, Max, had a puppy pic that looked exactly like Ron Swanson (a hysterically gruff character on Parks and Rec, played by Nick Offerman). Am I right? Since Ron really likes meat, and Max did too, they were even somewhat of a personality match.
2) There is a web site that lets you find your doggy doppelgänger, appropriately called: Doggelganger. It's from Pedigree and the New Zealand SPCA. The tag line is: "Human to canine pairing software. Your best friend search starts here."
It's fun to play with. You're supposed to be able to add your own image either with your web cam or by loading a picture, but I couldn't get the web came image thing to work. So, I loaded a photo. (They say to load one with a neutral image - but, other than Ron Swanson above, most people smile when you point a camera at them.) Anyway, first I loaded my b&w "author photo" and I got a 62% accuracy match with this adorable 7 mo. old female Mastiff/Greyhound mix.
I also tried a color photo - but I guess I look a lot older in this picture since I got a 67% accuracy match with this sweet 12-yr-old Fox Terrier mix: (at least she's a fox....)
I do have the same worry wrinkles as both of these girls, so I think they did a pretty good job. It's a fun thing to play with - so hopefully the NZ SPCA is getting a lot of local folks on the site who then find their new best look alike friend!
I also looked up doppelgänger for this post - I thought it just meant "a look alike", but the actual definition from Miriam Webster is "a ghostly counterpart of a living person". Ghostly... hmm. So Tommy Lee Jones = ghostly Grumpy Cat I guess. Anyway, go have some fun and find your doggelganger.
You've possibly seen this video before - after all, it's been around a while (and viewed by millions on YouTube), but it's one of my all-time favorite animal videos so I figured I'd share for those who haven't seen it. (I have one other "all-time fave" that I'm saving for another time.)
I give you, Lala, the shopping penguin:
A penguin with a penguin backpack, shopping for fish. I ask you, is that not the cutest thing? Thanks to Morgan Freeman, I know penguins like to march waddle long distances, but who knew they also like to shop? But how does it work... do they put his purchases on his bill? (Sorry, couldn't resist.)
I would love to have a penguin for a pet that I could send to the store to pick stuff up for me. "Lala, we're out of milk. And get yourself a can of sardines while you're there."
But, honestly, I'm such a worrywart, I'd probably never let him walk to the store by himself. I'd be afraid he'd get run over or penguin-napped. So instead I'd end up driving him there, and then I'd worry about him going in on his own, so I'd go in instead, and he'd just end up sitting in the car running the A/C full blast until I got back. It wouldn't be nearly as cute. I guess it's best that he ended up in a nice town in Japan and not at my house.
Happy Valentine's Day everypawdy! I have to start by saying, I'm not a huge fan of V-Day. I mean, it's cute for the kids and the chocolatetie-in is good, but beyond that I can't get super excited about it. (I'm not much of a romantic in most of the traditional ways - and yes, I was single and bitter and I wore green on V-Day as a protest for many years.)
Now, having gotten that off my chest... Rita - as I mentioned the other day - has a long-distance boyfriend, Rocket, who she's exchanging V-day gifts/cards with. (I know that sounds silly, but you probably noticed, we're big on silly around here.) I wanted to take some special photos of Rita for her b.f., so here are some of the outtakes as well as the ones that went to Rocket:
We tried some "flower behind the ear" shots, but they didn't work...
With it being that huge all-American sporting event this past Sunday that SO many people tuned in to watch, I figured I better do a post about it. That's right - I'm talking about Puppy Bowl. Did you watch?
I confess we watched the Super Bowl (which was finally a good game for once, blackouts not withstanding) and DVR'd the Puppy Bowl. Although I have to give it to the Super Bowl for being a little more exciting in the 4th quarter, I preferred the Puppy Bowl MVP:
Today's post is not so much "mirthful" as just plain fun. Dogster.com has posted a quiz where you can find out What Dog Breed Are You? Just click on the link and go through the 10 or so questions. (Note that they do ask for your email at the end, but swear they won't give it out. I have an email I use for this sorta thing...)
Some of the questions, at least in my twisted mind, don't have exactly the right answer option available, but just pick the closest one. I was surprised how accurate this test seemed to be!
For example, here's are a couple of the questions:
It's finally Friday after a long, hard week of work. Time for Yappy Hour with friends. Your order is:
My answer would really be a margarita, which is close but at the same time very different from a shot of tequila (!), so I went with a cosmo. The "pretty and pink" part worried me. I figured they'd decide I was a white fluffy purse-dog with a big pink bow. (Not that there's anything wrong with that... That's just not me.)
Here's another:
You're invited to a Howloween party, costume required. You:
I would never pull an all-nighter. I'm way too organized for that. (I thought my organizational skills would mean I would end up being a Border Collie.) I chose the 2nd option, because I would make my costume - and it would be a masterpiece, IIDSSM. I would make it weeks in advance though. And then, the night of the party, I'd realize I'd rather stay home in my PJs and come down with a "headache" and be unable to attend.
If you are fairly anti-social, like me, you might find several of the questions don't have exactly the answer option you're looking for - but just go with the closest.
Okay - so, here's me:
I never would have thought "German Shepherd" for me. I think of them as very self-assured and fairly bad-assed. (Things I am not...) And the "likely professions" they list couldn't be further from my sit-in-front-of-a-computer-all-day ways, BUT... here is the description they give of a German Shepherd-type (emphasis is theirs):
German Shepherd
The Perfectionist Doggedly dedicated to getting the job done, you don't let silly
little distractions get in the way of putting in a full day's work. And
after you come home, chowing down on a little grub and taking a little
catnap is all it takes to get you up and at 'em for round two, whatever
that may entail. Your dogma emphasizes the importance of hard work,
and you swim laps around your dog-paddling, time-wasting co-workers.
Your cleverness leads to you often being entrusted with some pretty
important tasks, which you are always more than happy to sink your
canines into. You really dig being outdoors and love a bit of
exercise, but you draw the line at the ridiculous stuff, choosing a game
of beach volleyball over Pilates in the park any day.
Wow, yes. That's me for sure. I'm a total perfectionist and I do work hard and dig being outdoors. And have never done Pilates (although I'd chose a hike, not beach volleyball).
And this part: you swim laps around your dog-paddling, time-wasting co-workersreally kills me. I don't want to slag off my former co-workers, but, just as an example, when I had a "real office job" my Indian name was: Works With Idiots. (The hub's was Swims With Squids. But that's another story...) Since Rita is part German Shepherd, I guess that's why we get along so well! Anyway - take the test! Let me know what you are!
While pondering silliness to post today, I thought about Monty Python's Flying Circus. To me, they will always be the epitome of silly. One of my favorite sketches is the "Ministry of Silly Walks." If you've never seen it, you can watch a shortened version of it here (it hits all the highlights). (And I just have to pause here and say, oh, how I love John Cleese. I had a pretty bad crush on him when I was about 10. Is that odd?)
Anyway, thinking about that reminded me of one time when the hubs and I were in his homeland of Montreal, Canada in the winter. (Okay, it was the only time we were there in winter. As a So Cal girl, once in winter was kinda enough for me. We usually go in the fall now!) As we drove down the street, a woman was walking her Chihuahua, who was obviously not digging his winter boots. He was doing a really good John Cleese Ministry of Silly Walks imitation. This was long before everyone started carrying the potential for photos/videos around in their pockets, so I don't have a video to share, but this one captures the spirit of it:
I dreamt that I had this brilliant idea for today's Mirth Watch Thursday post. It was going to be all about these semaphore-like poses that Rita sleeps in that signal different messages - like laying (lying?) a certain way meant "send treats," and how I was going to do drawings to represent each one. (Actually, almost all of them ended up meaning some variation of "send treats." Although one was the symbol for pi: π - just to show that she's smart.)
In my dream, it was all hysterically funny to me. I woke up thinking, "Awesome. I've got today's post all written! All I have to do is whip up some drawings." Then I thought it through and realized it was absurd. (Who would even see these signals, I ask??) Sigh. Had to come up with something else to post.
So, I thought I'd roll out one of me and the hub's favorite commericials from a few years back. We still quote the final line sometimes after a walk. It's got a cute dog, outrageous Scottish accents and it's about cheese. What more could you want? Here it is:
I've decided to start a new thing that I'm going to call Mirth Watch Thursday. It'll be a little silliness from me or from somewhere else on the web to (hopefully) make you smile and/or laugh each Thursday as we round the bend toward the weekend.
So, to kick off Mirth Watch Thursdays, I give you: A composite sketch of Rita's fears:
Have you seen this man? He may be armed and is considered dangerous. (At least, by my dog.)
