I'm not a big fan of Hollywood news, but if you've been online at all recently, you probably saw that "Ben & Jen" (Affleck* and Garner) are divorcing. As part of the news, Ben's Oscar acceptance speech where he stated that marriage "is work, but the best kind of work" got some more play.
I love to watch the Oscars every year, and I remember Ben making that speech, and I also remember thinking, "Uh-oh, red flag."
Now, some folks may agree that marriage is work, but not me. And not the hubs either. When I asked him if he thought marriage was work, he made a "the milk's gone sour" face and said, "Work?! No!"
Maybe whether or not you think marriage is "work" depends on what you think of when you think of the word. If you Google "define work," here's what comes up: "activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result." Yes, you do have to put some effort into your marriage if you want it to be a good one.
But here are the synonyms that come up: labor, toil, slog, drudgery, exertion, effort, industry, service
Slog?? Drudgery?? Toil??
I know marriage may be a slog for some folks (and that's a bummer) but these are not words I'd associate with marriage.
The hubs and I both stress out about our jobs. So, although not synonymous with work, stress is another thing that comes to mind when I think of work. But marriage is not stressful. I like marriage. Marriage is fun.
That's why, to me, marriage is more like a game of bitey-face.
Hear me out...
Five Ways Marriage is Like a Game of Bitey-Face
1. It involves a lot of communication
Bitey-face looks scary. All that biting, growling, snapping, etc. could easily be misinterpreted. So dogs have to communicate constantly during a game so they know it's all in fun. Good communication is key to a good game of bitey-face, and a good marriage.
2. Sometimes you need an attention-getter
During a game of bitey-face, sometimes one dog will get distracted by an interesting smell or a loud noise. The other has to make some sort of attention-getting move (maybe a playful bop on the shoulder, or a gentle nibble) to get the other dog back in the game. Just like in a marriage, sometimes you might feel taken for granted. Suggesting a date night is a nice way to get your partner's attention again.
3. Sometimes you need to hash it out
Sometimes Reg chews on Rita just that little bit too much, and she gets pissy with him. She lets him know he went too far, and they work it out and the game continues. Sometimes you lose your patience with your spouse, but it's best to work it out quickly and get back in the game.
4. Sometimes you willingly let your partner "win"
Ever seen a big dog play with a little dog? They often throw themselves on the ground, letting the little dog have a chance to lord it over the bigger dog. It's best to have a level playing field in a marriage, and sometimes you have to let the other person win, for the good of "the game."
5. Sometimes you have to apologize
Rita's BFF is a boxer who is a bit bigger and stronger than Rita. Sometimes she (unintentionally) takes things too far and Rita gets upset, and Dakota knows it and will immediately run to Rita and start kissing her and trying to get back on her good side. Just like in marriage when you know you've pushed your partner's buttons and need to apologize. I'm not great about apologizing, but the kissing and making up part is fun.
Have I convinced you? Do you think marriage is like a game of bitey face?
* Does anyone else hear that insurance-selling duck when they read the name Affleck. AFFLECK!
Thanks to Snoopy’s Dog Blog, Alfie’s Blog, and My Brown Newfies for hosting Monday Mischief!
Good way to compare it. For some it is work, though. You are lucky to have the right other half who is a match. Many are like two socks that almost match but not quite and it is never right wearing them together.
ReplyDeleteThat's a good analogy too. Of course LOTS of marriages don't work out. And of course not all dogs play well together either. Our beagle used to only have a few friends because most dogs didn't appreciate her barky, barky, barky style of play. Hopefully folks find the right sock or the right bitey-face partner. :)
DeleteI like your analogy a lot. Think I'd like to add the word successful. Some marriages are like Emma's socks analogy, too (like my first one) Marriage does take effort - sometimes more, sometimes less, but work? It it is really work, I think that marriage in in trouble :-(
ReplyDeleteI think so too - that a marriage that is "work" is in trouble. Unless...if you are a person who really loves your job - like loves loves loves it and it is your passion, then maybe if you think your marriage is work it's all good. Depends on the feelings you attach to the word "work" I think.
DeleteGreat analogy, yes! I feel bad for anyone that feels their marriage is drudgery, but it happens sometimes. I love the "Sorry" image, that's such a sweet picture. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's really cute when Dakota makes up with Rita. (Rita's more like me - she's not so great at apologizing...) :)
DeleteLove the analogy. Sounds like what a good marriage should be.
ReplyDeleteAt least my hubby agreed, so for us the analogy works. :)
DeleteThat's a great way to compare it! I have to agree! Sometimes we actually bite though, I think that's acceptable too :)
ReplyDeleteI agree - sometimes you do bite or growl or bark in all seriousness! And that is acceptable. But hopefully you get back to the game fairly quickly. :)
DeleteI love your analogy. So much that I had started a post making the same comparison. Mine was in a rudimentary stage though and if I had developed it, i'm sure it would not have been as funny as yours.
ReplyDeleteThat is SO funny. Great minds think alike, eh? You should finish it! Sorry to beat you to the blog fodder!
DeleteGreat analogy. My brother told Lee and I that "marriage was like a bottle of ketchup. It may look full from the outside, but you've got to have patience if you want to get anything out of it" We have lived by that creed for 39 years. #goketchup
ReplyDeleteLol. I like that! #goketchup indeed! And,wow, congrats on 39 years! We're coming up on measly #19.
DeleteYep, you got that right! But who else would you like to play bitey-face with?
ReplyDeleteWell, sometimes I play bitey-face with Rita. Is that weird? :)
DeleteWhat a great post and analogy! Unfortunatelymy socks didn't match AT ALL this weekend :-(
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry your socks didn't match! But, hey, even with bitey-face sometimes the dogs need a little time away. Then they can get back into the game with full vigor later on. Hopefully you're back in the game soon. :)
DeleteI guess it also depends on whether you hate working. I think most things I love take effort, commitment, and time. I've had health issues this year and my veggie garden is getting killed by weeds. That is a lack of work, due to my inability to put in the effort, time, and commitment that is work related to gardening. It doesn't mean gardening isn't great it just means I don't have the physical strength this year to hack it.
ReplyDeleteWorking at something doesn't make it bad, it means you value it, you make time for it, and you put forth the effort to make sure it is a commitment for both of you. I know for me certain words make me uncomfortable, so I choose other ones. In this instance I don't have any issue saying I work at marriage. I don't equate working with drudgery. I've always believed you work for the things that mean the most to you and you put those things first.
However, as I've said I know I certain words have become sensitive ones for me over the years, so I don't use them in relation to myself. However, for the most part I can understand other people's use of them. They find the words powerful, supportive, defining, encouraging. However, the context in which they were used with me, I find them to be words of abuse. The words themselves are for the most part nuetral. Generally, it is our experience with those words that is less nuetral.
I don't hate working. I'm all about tackling a project. And I love being a writer - but I still find it stressful and there's a lot of anxiety that goes along with it for me. So that's why - for me - I don't like to think of my marriage as work.
DeleteAnd, like I said in the post - whether others think marriage is "work" depends on what they think of when they think of the word - just like you think of effort and commitment - which are definitely two things a marriage needs.
And I certainly wouldn't say that working at something makes it "bad". Like we've both said - it's about the words and our own relationships to them.
Even though words have set definitions, they also raise a lot of different emotions in different people. It all comes down to our own personal experiences.
I guess I've become more sensitive to the whole concept of word police lately. I get sensitivity to words. I have my triggers, but for the most part I realize people using those words don't have my triggers.
ReplyDeleteSure sometimes I get a "feeling" when I hear someone say something and I just know something isn't right not just based on the fact I don't like the word, but it's how they use the word, they way they say it, the body language, etc. that makes me feel something more is wrong and my concern is raised. However, sometimes it is a word I've never had an issue with before and now someone has used it in a way that's made it uncomfortable and it surprises me. It drives DH nuts, but every so often I'll walk away from a conversation knowing something is wrong and DH will have no clue based on the actual words said. However, it wasn't the specific words, it was again the emphasis, the context, the body language that just make me feel something is not right. Sadly, I'm usually not wrong. I almost always wish the Spidey senses were wrong.
Yes, I get those Spidey senses at times too. It's not great. I've had it happen twice at weddings, no less. Which ultimately ended up in divorces. It would be nicer I guess to be oblivious like the hubs. :)
DeleteYou definitely make a good case but for mom she thinks its more drudgery and toil for her! Love Dolly
ReplyDeleteOh, well, I hope there's at least a good reward for the drudgery!
DeleteGreat post! I would agree with you that it is a lot like a game of bitey face. LOL! I also hear the duck when you say Affleck! :D
ReplyDeleteAffleck! (Don't you hate those commercials? I bet Ben Affleck does!)
DeleteI think you have made it sounds exactly like a game of bitey face!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're convinced. :) Made sure I at least had the hubs convinced before hitting 'publish' on this one. :)
DeleteGreat post! I love bitey face!
ReplyDeleteBoomer
Linda
http://coloradofarmlife.wordpress.com
Nothing like a good game of bitey face!
DeleteHmm... this is making me think Mr. N's bitey face games are seriously unbalanced! He almost always wins!
ReplyDeleteI know some marriages like that.... :)
DeleteWhat an adorable post! I admit I have a whole new perspective on marriage now.
ReplyDeleteHopefully a *good* new perspective. :)
DeleteIf more people thought of it that way, more marriages would probably stay together! What a great analogy, I love it!
ReplyDeleteLots of wags and woofs from the crew at Wag n Woof Pets
I imagine dog friends rarely end up "divorced", eh? ("He just doesn't have time for me anymore." "She always wants to play with chocolate Lab now instead...") :)
DeleteI always suspect someone's marriage is in trouble when they're making a spectacle of it.
ReplyDeleteYour Bitey-face analogies are amusingly accurate.
Yeah... a lot of celebrities come to mind. One month they're going on and on about their undying love, and the next month you hear they're getting divorced. Glad you enjoyed the humor of the post. :)
DeleteI love this analogy! You are so right!!! How fun!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteCute analogy. I think people in long term marriages don't look at it as work.
ReplyDeleteRight? You retire from work. :) Not from a marriage.
DeleteGreat post! So very true. I'm not married, but J and I will be celebrating 10 years in 2 weeks. We've finally reached a point where it doesn't feel like work - your analogy is perfect.
ReplyDeleteWell, 10 years together is practically married in my book. Glad you have reached the "not work" point. :)
DeleteThanks!
ReplyDeletehahaha loved the analogy! And the pictures, you captures some really nice bitey face pictures.
ReplyDelete