April 26, 2012

Inside the Dog's Head

Will as James
Have you ever watched "Inside the Actor's Studio"? Even if you haven't, you've probably seen Will Ferrel do his James Lipton impression. [Although he seems a bit pompous at times, I think James is probably a good guy. Anyone willing to play him/herself on the Simpsons probably doesn't take him/herself too seriously.]

Anyway, if you haven't seen the show, he always ends by asking the interviewee 10 questions, originally from a French TV show hosted by Bernard Pivot (whoever he is/was). Mr. Lipton likes to say Pivot's name with a snooty French flair. Today, I thought I'd ask Rita the "Pivot" [insert snooty French accent here] questions.

Me: Question1. What is your favorite word?
Rita: Treat! Or dinner. Geez, I didn't know this was going to be hard. Can I get a little something to eat?
Me: When we're done.
Rita: Are we done yet? Come over here. [sidles toward pantry] The treats are in this special little room over here. 
Me: Yes, I know where the treats are. Thanks. Can we move on?
Rita: Can I get a treat first?
Me: Fine, ok. Here's a treat. NOW can we move on?
Rita: nomnomnom

Getting a treat on a hike
Me: Q2. What is your least favorite word?
Rita: [swallows] Well, it's not just a single word--it's a phrase: "Leave it!" I do not like to leave it. If I wanted to leave it, I would not have picked it up in the first place.

Me: Q3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Rita: Walks out in nature. Especially the beach, but a park or even the neighborhood will do. The smells! Oh, the smells that are just outside your door! You have no idea. You should really get outside and smell some s**t. I don't mean that literally. Well, no, actually I do. But, you know, not just s**t. You should smell everything! Big rush!

Me: Q4. What turns you off?
Rita: Rain, because it makes you wet and it washes away the smells.

Me: Q5. What is your favorite curse word?
Rita: S**t. Because it's so much more than just a curse word. 

Me: Q6. What sound or noise do you love?
Rita: It starts with the whirr & chug of the garage door, and then Mama yells, "Daddy's home!" That is a great sound! 

Me: Q7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Rita: The gardener! He makes a lot of scary noises. Plus he is in MY yard. (There are actually a lot of noises I hate, but I think that one is the worst.) Can you please make him stop coming?
Me: No, we need the gardener. Mama doesn't like to garden.
Rita: [mutters under her breath]
Me: I'll give you lots of treats next time he comes. Like we did last time, with the Frosty Paw.
Rita: Now you're talkin'! Ok. Keep him comin'!

Me: Q8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Rita: Oh gosh. My own job (guardian and protector of our house and property and street and anything at the other end of my leash) is really great, so I have to think about this... Um, I guess taste-tester of some sort. Maybe at like a hotdog factory or something. Or I would be a really good contraband-food-sniffer-outer. I mean, as long as you get to eat what you find. You get to eat that stuff, right? Like, I don't want to find some sausages in someone's luggage and then they just go in the bin. That's not right!

Me. Q9. What profession would you not like to do?
Rita: My daddy's. I don't know what the heck he does, but he's gone for a long time. And he comes home tired and hungry. I don't know what the heck they do him there, but, I mean, well tired is ok, but hungry is not good!  

Me. Q10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God/Dog say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
Rita: "Dogs are welcome!! The park is on the left, the beach is on the right, and the buffet's in the back!" Are we done? Can I get a treat? [scampers off to the pantry]
Me: Fine. But wait up! I need a treat too!

Thanks for reading. 

Next week I'm going to be guest-blogging on Doggy Tales about our first pup, Bailey, and about beagles in general and their crazy voracious appetites. (Rita definitely is half-beagle. Maybe even 95% beagle when food is involved!) I'll remind you when it's up next week.


  1. Oh Rita!
    You are so pretty, smart and wise! And I never noticed that beautiful white tuft of hair on your muzzle! I could just kiss it!

    Oh, oh, oh,, oh! I wanna a question!!!! ............

    Q. Where's does the Romney family's dog ride when traveling??

    A. Ruff.


    -MBBunny Rocket



We love comments - even just a smiley face or a LOL will make my day. (Yes, my days are pretty easily made.)

PLEASE NOTE: Comment moderation is turned on for posts over 2 weeks old, so if you comment on an older post and don't see it show up right away, that's why.