|Will as James|
Have you ever watched "Inside the Actor's Studio"? Even if you haven't, you've probably seen Will Ferrel do his James Lipton impression. [Although he seems a bit pompous at times, I think James is probably a good guy. Anyone willing to play him/herself on the Simpsons probably doesn't take him/herself too seriously.]
Anyway, if you haven't seen the show, he always ends by asking the interviewee 10 questions, originally from a French TV show hosted by Bernard Pivot (whoever he is/was). Mr. Lipton likes to say Pivot's name with a snooty French flair. Today, I thought I'd ask Rita the "Pivot" [insert snooty French accent here] questions.
Me: Question1. What is your favorite word?
Rita: Treat! Or dinner. Geez, I didn't know this was going to be hard. Can I get a little something to eat?
Me: When we're done.
Rita: Are we done yet? Come over here. [sidles toward pantry] The treats are in this special little room over here.
Me: Yes, I know where the treats are. Thanks. Can we move on?
Rita: Can I get a treat first?
Me: Fine, ok. Here's a treat. NOW can we move on?
|Getting a treat on a hike|
Me: Q2. What is your least favorite word?
Rita: [swallows] Well, it's not just a single word--it's a phrase: "Leave it!" I do not like to leave it. If I wanted to leave it, I would not have picked it up in the first place.
Me: Q3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Rita: Walks out in nature. Especially the beach, but a park or even the neighborhood will do. The smells! Oh, the smells that are just outside your door! You have no idea. You should really get outside and smell some s**t. I don't mean that literally. Well, no, actually I do. But, you know, not just s**t. You should smell everything! Big rush!
Me: Q4. What turns you off?
Rita: Rain, because it makes you wet and it washes away the smells.
Me: Q5. What is your favorite curse word?
Rita: S**t. Because it's so much more than just a curse word.
Me: Q6. What sound or noise do you love?
Rita: It starts with the whirr & chug of the garage door, and then Mama yells, "Daddy's home!" That is a great sound!
Me: Q7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Rita: The gardener! He makes a lot of scary noises. Plus he is in MY yard. (There are actually a lot of noises I hate, but I think that one is the worst.) Can you please make him stop coming?
Me: No, we need the gardener. Mama doesn't like to garden.
Rita: [mutters under her breath]
Me: I'll give you lots of treats next time he comes. Like we did last time, with the Frosty Paw.
Rita: Now you're talkin'! Ok. Keep him comin'!
Me: Q8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
Rita: Oh gosh. My own job (guardian and protector of our house and property and street and anything at the other end of my leash) is really great, so I have to think about this... Um, I guess taste-tester of some sort. Maybe at like a hotdog factory or something. Or I would be a really good contraband-food-sniffer-outer. I mean, as long as you get to eat what you find. You get to eat that stuff, right? Like, I don't want to find some sausages in someone's luggage and then they just go in the bin. That's not right!
Me. Q9. What profession would you not like to do?
Rita: My daddy's. I don't know what the heck he does, but he's gone for a long time. And he comes home tired and hungry. I don't know what the heck they do him there, but, I mean, well tired is ok, but hungry is not good!
Me. Q10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God/Dog say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?Rita: "Dogs are welcome!! The park is on the left, the beach is on the right, and the buffet's in the back!" Are we done? Can I get a treat? [scampers off to the pantry]
Me: Fine. But wait up! I need a treat too!
Thanks for reading.
Next week I'm going to be guest-blogging on Doggy Tales about our first pup, Bailey, and about beagles in general and their crazy voracious appetites. (Rita definitely is half-beagle. Maybe even 95% beagle when food is involved!) I'll remind you when it's up next week.